


Don't You Dare

by MicroFox25



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, I changed Albus Severus' name, It's been 10 years, Other, THIS IS SATIRE, and i'm still salty about that damn name, is this satire?, it was really funny in my head, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 05:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11983116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MicroFox25/pseuds/MicroFox25
Summary: Right before his son is born, Harry gets a visit from beyond the grave to make sure that he doesn't name his kid something ridiculous.





	Don't You Dare

**Author's Note:**

> Some of the curses that Sirius spoke of are from [here](http://pleated-jeans.com/2015/10/21/23-ruthless-politely-worded-curses/)

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

It was a dream, maybe, or a premonition. Maybe Harry had gotten sick and this was fever induced. Either way, he couldn’t believe what was happening. Sirius Black, the man long dead, who he watched fall into the veil was standing beside his bed. He had a look far angrier than any Harry had ever seen.

He was wearing the same clothes he died in, having a mark on his robe where it was slightly darker. It was where he was hit by the curse. Sirius wasn’t see-through like in the forest. He wasn’t like a ghost at all. As the shock of seeing his long dead godfather wore away, Harry was given time to process what was spoken to him, which woke him up.

“What?” He asked lamely. What else could he really say? _Hey, Sirius. I know you’re dead, but do you want some tea?_ Not very convincing. Especially since he had been coping with the male’s death. He looked over to Ginny. She was asleep, of course, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t wake up anytime. She’s been up and down often lately, being that she was eight months pregnant with their second son.

“I know what the hell you’re going to do and I will be damned if you actually go through with it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are going to name that damn kid after the man who verbally, emotionally, and damn-near physically abused you. Not to mention the other man, which you know saw you as a means to an end.”

“You don’t understand, Sirius. He was very brave and did what he did to protect us.” Sirius pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation.

“Brave or not, he was still abusive. Minerva was brave, Fred was brave. Colin Creevey was brave. Fuck, dude, Remus was brave. Hagrid was brave. My own damn brother was brave. Do you remember that? Buckbeak and Hedwig were brave.” He started to count on his fingers. “Moody, Cedric, Tonks, Moaning Myrtle, Dobby, Lavender, hell, I'd even be okay with Sir Nicholas or Peeves.” Sirius finished. “I swear to god, Harry James Potter. If you name your kid after a maniac and a master manipulator, I’m going to haunt you for the rest of your life. It won’t even be fun. I’m going to make a ton of noise and make sure that your bananas always have the mushy brown part halfway through the middle and make sure all of your milk is only old enough to not notice that it’s bad, but you can taste how bad it is and make sure that your tea is too hot to drink at first, but then when you come back to it, the drink is too cold for you to enjoy.”

“And I'll make sure that your chair will move in a certain way that it makes it sound like you farted and you won’t be able to recreate it so you’re doomed to people think that you farted and both sides of your pillow are going to be too warm for you to be comfortable. Don’t test me, Harry Potter. I used to be a damn marauder.”

* * *

 

“Remus Regulus Potter.” Harry said quietly, so that no one but Ginny could hear, and she was tactful enough to pretend to be waving to Rose, who was on the train, “you were named after two people who gave their lives to the cause of defeating Voldemort; both of which were facing rejection because of who they were. One was a damn werewolf and that’s pretty fucking cool as well.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it because it was quite fun to write


End file.
